Chapter Three

 

 

“If there’s nothing else you need, may I leave now, Mrs. Raizada?”

I look up from my plate, and stare at Manorama for a moment. In all the chaos, I had almost forgotten that she doesn’t live here.

 

“It’s late, Manorama. Will you be okay getting home?”

She smiles, and hefts her bag over her shoulder.

“Dhruv will drop me, Mrs. Raizada. ASR has instructed him to do so whenever I stay back in the evening.”

 

“That’s fine, then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As I follow her to the door, I try not to think about the fact that Arnav Singh Raizada is considerate towards his staff. As he reminded me earlier, this marriage isn’t real, and I must stop myself from thinking about him in any way.

 

Manorama steps outside, then turns  back to me.

 

“Mrs. Raizada…ASR hasn’t eaten yet. Do you think you could try to get him to the table?”

 

I see the genuine concern in her eyes, and I don’t quite know what to say.

“I…I’ll certainly try, Manorama.”

She smiles, then turns away towards the lift with one last wave.

I close the door, then drag myself off to fulfill my promise. As I reach the hallway that leads to the bedrooms, my steps slow down until I’m barely moving.

I really don’t want to approach him at all. Asking him to come down for dinner is a wifely duty that I cannot pretend to fulfill, even though concern for his injury is still at the forefront of my mind, despite everything.

 

Finally, I give myself no time to ponder. I walk over to his door and raise my hand to knock, but the door is suddenly pulled open before I can do so.

 

For a moment, we stare at each other in surprised silence. And then my gaze drops to his hand, which he is now holding awkwardly against his side.

 

“I…I was just coming to ask you if you wanted to eat…”

He stares at me for a moment before replying.

“I have no intention of starving myself, just because I have sustained a small injury, Khushi. I was busy with a call, and I just got off now.”

“Oh. I…that’s fine, then.”

I turn away quickly and walk to the dining area, where my empty plate still sits at the table. I pick it up quickly and walk into the kitchen before loading it into the dishwasher and pouring myself a glass of water.

 

As I do so, I’m conscious of the fact that Arnav has followed me into the kitchen. I hear the sound of the microwave as he warms up his food, and suppress the urge to ask him if he needs help.

 

An uncomfortable silence reigns in the kitchen, and I really, really want to leave.

But I have always had the habit of giving in to my sweet tooth one last time before going to bed, and my eyes fall on the small jar of Belgian chocolates sitting on the counter-top and refuse to move.

 

Maybe I can just have one quick bite before I escape…

 

I open the lid and pop one bite of heaven into my mouth, then close my eyes in ecstasy.

 

Something changes in the atmosphere of the room, and I quickly open my eyes as I realize that Arnav is staring at me, his food untouched on the plate before him.

 

I swallow quickly, trying not to stare back. Although the entire length of the kitchen island separates me from him, the air of intimacy grows more pronounced as his gaze strays to my lips.

 

Eager to break this sudden expectant silence, I blurt out the first thing that pops into my mind.

 

“Do you need help with your food?”

I want to take the words back immediately, but the damage has been done. I watch as his eyes narrow on mine, and brace myself for a caustic reminder of the reality of our marriage again.

 

But then he looks down at his food, and I hear his deep sigh as the tension seems to leave him suddenly.

“It’s just a rice dish, Khushi. I can manage with my left hand.”

I look away, hating myself for making the suggestion…hating myself for caring at all.

 

I close the lid of the chocolate jar and turn to walk out of the kitchen, but his voice stops me in my tracks.

“Khushi…wait.”

 

I pause uncertainly, willing myself not to turn back.

 

“Please.”

That single word, spoken in that soft tone of voice shocks me out of my daze, and I look over at him reluctantly.

 

He is now standing behind me, and I am shocked anew by the fact that I haven’t heard him walk towards me at all.

 

“Khushi…I think I owe you an apology.”

 

My eyes widen at his words, and I mutely obey him as he gestures to the chair at the head of the dining table. He seats himself too, and then sighs.

 

“I know you mean well…and I think it’s in your very nature to be concerned…but this isn’t what I’m used to.”

“What?”

 

He takes in a deep breath before speaking again.

“Di and Nani…they are always concerned about my well-being. But I am not the kind of person who needs that kind of attention, Khushi. That’s probably why I’ve always maintained some amount of physical distance from them. Don’t get me wrong, I would give my life for them…but sometimes their concern suffocates me. And that’s why I find it hard to accept the same from you…”

I sit back in my chair, feeling as if another piece of this puzzle has just fallen in place.

 

“You want to be the only nurturer around, don’t you?”

It is his eyes that widen this time, my words appear to have surprised him.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You don’t want Di or Nani to express their concern…and you don’t want me to offer you any help even when you’ve sustained an injury. It’s obvious, isn’t it? You want to take care of your family, not the other way around.”

He stares at me for a long moment, and then a glimmer of humor lightens his eyes.

“I do believe that you have stumbled onto the truth, Ms. Gupta. As a reward, maybe you could have one more of those Belgian chocolates you were lusting after  moments before?”

The atmosphere is light again, just like that. I feel my lips twitch in an answering smile, and I quickly walk back to the jar .

I bring the chocolates back to the table, and for a few minutes a companionable silence reigns at the table as we eat our food.

 

But then his spoon clatters to the plate, and I look up in time to see him wince.

The expression of discomfort disappears soon enough, and he meets my eyes just as I open my mouth to speak.

 

“Khushi…I know what you are going to ask me. And the answer is yes, I did take the painkiller. But  sometimes the pain gets aggravated if I make a sudden movement.”

 

“You should be more careful, then.”

 

Mindful of his earlier words, I decide not to question him further. I drink some water, and rise from the table.

But his voice stops me yet again.

 

“Khushi…I probably shouldn’t have snapped at you earlier, in the car. But the issue of medication brings out my worst side, not that I expect you to know why.”

 

My curiosity gets the better of me this time.

 

“What do you have against painkillers?”

 

He looks away towards the window, where the lights from the marina glitter in the distance.

 

“My mother died of an overdose, right after she discovered that my father had been having an affair.”

 

I cannot stifle my gasp in time, and he looks back at me with a bleak gaze.

 

“It was a long time ago, and I have never been addicted to anything…not like she was. But when you are a child and your mother asks you to bring her the bottle of pills by the bed and uses them to kill herself…that memory stays with you for life, I guess. I just cannot get over that .”

 

My heart squeezes in my chest at the thought of the little child he had once been, and I try hard to suppress the tears that spring to my eyes.

 

“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

 

“There’s no need for you to be sorry, Khushi. I was just trying to explain the reasons behind what happened earlier.”

 

We stare at each other for a moment, and then he rises too.

 

In silence, we put away the dishes and close the lights before heading down the hallway , each lost in our own thoughts.

 

Just  as we reach my bedroom door, my phone rings behind me and I look back down the corridor, realizing that I have left it in the dining-room while I ate.

 

“I’ll…just go get that.”

 

I walk away from Arnav, feeling vaguely guilty about leaving him alone. And yet, why should I feel that way at all?

He has made it clear that he does not welcome my concern, and I need to remember that and give him his space.

 

I reach the dining-room and quickly answer my phone.

 

“Amma?”

Minutes later, I put down the phone, stunned.

I am happy, of course. But I am still surprised by the ease with which everything has fallen into place.

Apparently, Akash’s mother called Amma and asked her if she could come over a day early, and Amma has agreed. Akash’s mother also gave her an indication that she would come over with the Shagun, and Amma is ecstatic about it.

While I had been hoping for exactly this result, the speed of the unfolding events still astounds me.

 

I walk back slowly down the corridor, Amma’s joyous voice still ringing in my ears.

 

But as I reach my door, I pause. 

 

From the door opposite mine, I hear the sound of a falling piece of furniture, and then some swearing that almost makes me blush.

 

Before I can think this through, I find myself at his door, with my hand on the doorknob.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

There is no answer from inside the room, and I hesitate briefly before opening the door and stepping inside.

 

The sight that meets my eyes makes me pause, and the breath stops in my throat.

 

The lights are off in his bedroom, but it is illuminated by the moonlight that streams in through the open windows.

 

The faint rays are enough for me to see him kneeling by a fallen chair, and I quickly shake free of my stupor and walk up to him.

 

He rights the chair before I can do so, and then pulls himself to his feet with his one good hand gripping the back of the chair.

 

“I’m fine, Khushi. I was just trying to undress…but it isn’t exactly easy with one hand.”

 

Undress?

 

My imagination immediately comes up with a million fevered fantasies, but I quickly force them back where they belong…in the hidden recesses of my mind.

I have to concentrate on helping him at the moment, his injury should be at the forefront of my mind.

 

“Khushi…just go back to your room.”

“I…I can help.”

I don’t know where the words have come from, but now it’s too late to take them back.

I square my shoulders and take one step closer, disregarding his look of patent disbelief.

 

“You want to help me undress? What happened to keeping up the boundaries?”

 

I take a deep breath.

“I’m only offering to take off your clothes, that’s all. It’s something a nurse would do, just think of it that way.”

 

Abruptly, he grins.

“If the nurse looks anything like you, I’d let her take off anything she wants.”

 

I roll my eyes, and steel myself to take the final step that brings me within touching distance.

 

And then I look down at the row of white buttons that run down his shirt.

 

Six.

There are six damned buttons, and each of them is much more closer to his skin than I would have liked.

I struggle to mask the sudden trembling in my fingers as they move towards my first target, and thankfully, I am successful.

I flick open one button, then two.

My fingers brush against his warm, smooth skin, and as I take a deep breath, I realize that the fragrance coming off his skin is making me slightly dizzy.

It isn’t cologne, or anything else. It is entirely his essence…and it is going to my head.

Is it my imagination, or has his breathing picked up speed too?

 

 

I don’t waste my time in speculating. Instead, I rush through the remaining buttons, and finally, his shirt hangs open to his waist.

Relieved beyond measure and trying to ignore the chiseled muscles of his chest, I step away from him.

Only to pull up short as he raises his hands to mine.

Damn it.

I’d forgotten his shirt cuffs, and I steel myself to touch him again.

And this time, it’s so much worse.

I can’t help but stare at his hands, and the memory of his masterful control during the initial moments of the horse-ride flashes across my mind again.

Strong, competent hands…what else would they be capable of?

 

 

My own thoughts have turned traitor now, and I can’t wait to get out of this room.

As soon as his cuffs are unfastened, I place the cuff-links on the nightstand and step away again.

I know that his gaze is fixed on my down-bent head, but I just cannot bear to look up at him at this moment.

I don’t quite know what emotion is predominant in my eyes, but I do know that I don’t want him to see it.

 

“I…I’ll just go back to my room now.”

Escape is so close now, and I have almost reached the door when I hear him sigh.

Almost against my will, I turn back again and freeze in place.

He isn’t even looking at me, but then he doesn’t have to. 

His predicament is quite clear from where I stand, and my entire body screams at me to leave while I still have the chance.

Instead, to my utter disbelief, I find myself taking a step back  towards him.

He looks up at my approach, and his left hand falls away from the belt he’s been struggling with.

I stop when I am only an arm’s length away, and when I finally meet his gaze, I realize that his warm brown eyes have hardened with a challenge.

I can never resist a challenge to save my life, especially not one from him.

 

And so I raise my chin, and take the one step that puts me back  within touching distance.

 

“Do you want me to help with your pants, too?”

His eyes narrow on mine, and I can feel him gauging my courage.

At this point, nothing can make me back me back down, and I squash my fears as I reach for his belt.

I have barely touched it before his warm hand grips mine, and I look up into molten eyes which are now glinting with an unknown intent.

“Careful, Khushi. This might be too much for you to handle.”

I stare up at him, unwilling to let him see just how nervous and uncomfortable I really am.

I will myself to believe that this isn’t really as difficult as it looks, and I slowly withdraw my hand from his and reach for his belt again.

“It will only take me a moment, it’s no big deal.”

Once again, his eyes glint with amusement as he replies.

“Interesting choice of words there.”

I suppress the urge to roll my eyes, and pull on the belt buckle until it slides free. The button on his trousers is next, and I flick that open as well before pulling his shirt free of the waistband and tossing it on the chair beside him.

I step back, but his hand grasps mine again, forcing my eyes back up to his.

“I can’t undo the zip with one hand, you know.”

The zip?

 

I hadn’t thought about going quite that far, and from the devilish look in his eyes, he knows that well.

However, he has underestimated me, and I am determined to prove that to him.

It’s just a zipper, after all.

All I have to do is pull it down, turn around, and leave the room. It should be easy for him to get rid of his pants after that.

However, it doesn’t quite work that way.

When I have finally gathered the courage to step back towards him and reach for the zipper, his warm breath on my neck throws me off track for a moment.

He isn’t touching me at all, but I can feel his gaze slide over me like a caress…and I do my best to ignore the unsettling sensation.

I take the zipper between my thumb and forefinger and pull…but it doesn’t budge.

One more attempt, and nothing changes.

And then I realize why.

A slow, insidious warmth spreads through my cheeks, down my neck…and throughout my body as I realize that he is aroused.

Very aroused, by the look of things.

For the life of me, I cannot bring myself to look up at him, even though I know that he is staring down at me, waiting for my reaction.

“Is there a problem?”

The note of suppressed laughter in his voice cannot quite mask the undercurrent of desire that is apparent in the husky tone, and my entire body tightens as a result.

In that moment, the danger of the situation crashes down upon me full force.

He isn’t the danger here.

My own desires are, and I have to get out of here before I am tempted beyond all reason.

I take a deep breath.

“No, there’s no problem.”

My voice isn’t as steady as I would have liked, but I’m running out of time here.

I reach for his zipper again, and slowly pull it down, inch by excruciating inch.

There’s no way I can avoid touching him, and as my fingers graze his hardness, I hear a barely suppressed groan . 

The husky sound brings about an answering tightness deep down in my belly as all my muscles clench in a spasm of desire, and I know that I really have to get out of here before my newly discovered libido gains complete control.

I finally reach my goal, and his trousers hang open on his lean hips.

I withdraw my hands with a jerk, step away with an abrupt movement and turn to the door.

“Khushi…”

I have the door open, but his low voice freezes me in place.

I am one step away from freedom, but I know that he will not let me go without one last suggestive remark designed to make me blush.

However, the words that come out of his mouth surprise me.

“Thank you.”

I whirl around towards him, and then wish I hadn’t.

His words may have been polite and innocent, but his eyes are anything but.

 

The fire in his gaze roots me to the spot for a moment, and then I give a jerky nod before almost running to my room and opening the door before collapsing against it.

My breath comes in gasps, and my heart is pounding at a ferocious rate.

Shivers run down my  spine as I look down at my hands, remembering what they’ve just done.

I’ve never felt this way before.

My body is in the grip of alien sensations that make me feel hot and cold by turns, and I quickly walk over to the restroom before splashing water over my face.

I change into my nightclothes and get into bed, but there’s no peace for me there.

My lips are throbbing for an unknown reason, and so are other parts of my body that I’d rather ignore. My breasts feel heavy, and my limbs feel weighted with lead.

Yearning.

Craving.

I am feeling these for the first time, and I don’t know how to deal with this at all.

I twist and turn for the longest time, before finally falling asleep when the first rays of dawn lighten the sky outside.

But even then, peace  eludes me…because my dreams are still haunted by visions of molten eyes that burn me with their intensity.

_______

The next morning, I find it difficult to meet those eyes across the breakfast table. I know that he keeps looking up at me almost after every bite, but I just cannot bring myself to tear my gaze from plate of rapidly cooling toast.

Adding to my discomfort is the fact that we aren’t alone at the table this morning. NK, his executive assistant has just gotten here, and I have been informed that Arnav is working from home today. The two men had been busy with their business talk since I entered the dining-room, but now that breakfast has been served, their attention is solely focused on me.

Yes, both pairs of eyes rest on me from time to time.

While one gaze glints with heat, the other is rife with curiosity.

NK is making me uncomfortable, and I’ve only exchanged a couple of words with him until now.

On top of all this, Manorama is giving me the cold shoulder today, ever since she came to know that I am heading in to work instead of staying here to take care of my injured husband.

If I’m entirely honest, I did think of staying home from work today. But the memories of last night and my newly awakened emotions are still too raw and fresh, and I just cannot bear the thought of being in close proximity with him throughout the course of the day, not when I still haven’t come to terms with what I feel…or what I want.

All this has combined to rob me of my appetite, and I quickly stand up with my toast half-eaten and walk out into the kitchen.

However, I hear the scrape of another chair against the floor as Arnav rises as well, and moments later, his voice stops me in my tracks.

“Khushi, I’d like to talk to you, if you have a moment.”

Conscious of my audience, I nod quickly and follow him out into the living-room.

He steps towards the window , and then turns to face me again.

“I have decided to utilize today to get the movers in and start the process of moving to Menlo Park. Unless you have any objection?”

“Today? But your hand is…”

“I’m not doing the moving, Khushi. NK has hired a team, and they will take our personal belongings to the new home. The furniture and everything else will stay right here, since I want to keep this apartment as an alternate residence if I need to stay here when I have late meetings in the city.”

“That’s alright, then. I’ve barely had the chance to unpack, so my suitcases shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Great. I’ll see you in the evening at the new home then.”

For a moment, we stare at each other in silence.

“If…that’s all, can I leave now?”

Something changes in his eyes, and I am immediately on the defensive even before the words leave his lips.

“I just have one more question. How can you look so beautiful even when you’ve had a sleepless night?”

“How do you know that I’ve…”

I bite my lips, but it’s already too late.

A knowing glint enters his eyes, and he takes one step towards me.

“I know it, because after what happened last night…I didn’t get any sleep either.”

I take a deep breath.

“It takes me a while to get used to sleeping in a new place.”

“Really? And that’s why you weren’t asleep? Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that you had your hands on my p…”

I jerk away with an abrupt movement, and he stops with an amused smile as I finally gather my wits and reply.

“Why do you keep doing this? Doesn’t it get boring after a while? Don’t you get tired of all the innuendo?”

“It will get boring only when it stops provoking you .”

“You’re…I…just forget it.”

At a loss for words, I whirl around, pick up my handbag and walk out the door, feeling his eyes on me all the way.

As I walk towards the lift, I inwardly groan as I see NK waiting there for it.

“Mrs. Raizada…off to work, I guess?”

“Yes.”

He stares at me with that same curious gaze, and I finally decide to take the bull by the horns.

“Is something wrong?”

He stares at me, then shakes his head.

“I apologize , I certainly didn’t mean to stare. You’ll have to put it down to my curiosity about the woman who has finally brought my boss to the altar.”

Something in his eyes alerts me to the fact that this is no ordinary conversation, and then I suddenly realize what should have been obvious all along.

“You know.”

 

 

“About the contract? Yes, I do. I was the one who drafted it after ASR told me his specifications, after all.”

The elevator arrives at that moment, and we step into it together as he continues.

“And that’s why I couldn’t wait to meet the woman who has entered into this marriage of convenience with him. I’ve known ASR for years now, and I didn’t think I’d ever see the day…but all that’s beside the point now, of course. “

“So now have you satisfied your curiosity?”

He smiles.

“Yes, for the moment. But we are going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next few months, and I would very much like to further our acquaintance, Mrs. Raizada.”

I look up at him, but there is nothing but open friendliness in his face.

I nod , then attempt a tentative smile.

“Please call me Khushi.”

“Thank you , I will. And I’d ask you to call me Nandkishore, but that’s quite a mouthful.”

I laugh as the lift doors open, and he ushers me out towards the silver limo.

“ASR has asked me to organize a driver and a smaller car for you, Khushi. It should be done within a couple of days.”

I thank him, then turn to where Lavanya is waiting for me, sighing as she gives me a long stare before opening the passenger door.

______

The drive to Palo Alto seems never ending today. 

My mind is occupied with thoughts of Amma and Payal…and even NK and Manorama force their way into my brain.

But my body…

My body knows nothing but him…the man who has dominated my thoughts throughout the night.

The ceaseless yearning makes me squirm on the leather upholstery, and in increasing desperation, I pull out my Iphone and start reading through a saved document.

When I finally enter the office, I give myself no time to think. I walk straight into the conference room, where I have scheduled a meeting with my team .

But the room is empty, and I check my watch in surprise. The meeting is scheduled to start in five minutes, but there’s no one there.

I walk out again, and see the receptionist heading towards me.

“Clara, is something wrong? I had scheduled a meeting for…”

She stares at me with wide eyes before speaking in a rush.

“You mean you don’t know?”

 

 

Before I can respond to the cryptic comment, Aman’s caustic tones cut through the silence.

“How would she know? I’m sure that she’s been too busy with her millionaire, living it up all over San Francisco. Where would she stumble upon the information that we have lost our biggest client before we could even start working for them?”

“What? Aman, I really didn’t…”

“Of course you didn’t, Khushi. I’m sure it doesn’t even matter to you that without their capital, my company is likely to go under before it even has a chance of getting started. And this is all because of you. Somehow, BioSys has heard the rumor that I’m losing my talented PI and they’ve decided to take their business elsewhere!”

“Aman, I’m sorry that this has happened, but you can’t hold me responsible for…”

“Sorry? Why would you be sorry? I’m sure that you are ecstatic, now that you’ve finally gotten what you were waiting for!”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re fired, Khushi.”

I hear his words, but I cannot bring myself to believe them.

“What?”

 

 

“You are fired, Khushi. You were going to be here for a month so that it would give us some breathing room with BioSys, but now there’s no need. You can leave right away, and do whatever it is that your millionaire wants you to.”

“Aman, it’s not  like I knew that the news of my impending resignation would reach the corridors of power in BioSys anyway! I did not do this on purpose, and you know that!”

“Does it matter, Khushi? I’m ruined, before I could even get a head-start…”

Suddenly, the righteous anger seems to leave him, and he sighs before turning away abruptly towards his office.

I am still bewildered by his unreasonable and uncharacteristic outburst, and I follow him to his door without forethought.

He turns to me just as he reaches his office, and sighs again.

“What do you want now, Khushi? You’ve destroyed my career, what are you waiting for now? I’d appreciate it if you could pack up your stuff and leave the premises immediately.”

My own anger bubbles up and I throw caution to the winds.

“Don’t be so melodramatic, Aman. Your career isn’t over, just because I am leaving your company. There are other clients out there, it’s just a matter of networking and…”

Abruptly, his eyes burn with rage again.

“You just don’t get it, do you? The news that BioSys has cancelled their contract has spread like wildfire by now! No one within a two-hundred mile radius of this city will hire us !”

“It’s a matter of time, Aman. People have short memories, they’ll eventually…”

“But time is what I don’t have, Khushi! I have borrowed heavily from my family, and I have invested all the capital from my own trust fund into this venture! Without a working project, I will struggle to make next month’s mortgage payment on this office. My family will not help me anymore…they were against this and wanted me to join the family business in the first place. I wanted to prove them wrong so badly,but now…how will I face them after this?”

 

 

“But Aman, I didn’t…”

“What you did or didn’t intend to do is no longer of any importance, Khushi. The damage has been done. I stand  on the brink of ruin, and it is your fault, whether you choose to believe it or not!”

I look into his crazed eyes, and I know that there is no point in arguing with him at all.

I take in a deep breath, and finally speak.

“We’ll have to agree to disagree on this, Aman. I’ll leave now, but before I go, I’d like to you to know that no matter how things have ended here, I’ll always be grateful that you hired me straight out of college.”

I don’t wait for his reply. Instead, I walk quickly to my office and gather my things before heading towards the door.

Lavanya is surprised by my sudden appearance, but she says nothing as I ask her to leave.

Dhruv tells me that Arnav has asked for me to be taken straight to the home in Menlo Park when I get off work, and we head there now. I lean back against the headrest, my mind whirling with this sudden change in events.

We are almost at the exit to Menlo Park when my phone rings, and I pull it out with my eyes still closed.

“Hello?”

My mother’s voice is almost hysterical with joy, and then Payal takes the phone from her, nearly incoherent in her happiness. After a few moments, I manage to understand the reason behind this exuberance, and I am stunned into silence.

Akash’s mother has just left with her son, after finalizing their rishta. My little sister is now engaged to the man of her dreams, and the wedding is set to occur in three months time.

My mother and sister take turns in telling me all that occurred, and I listen to their plans for the wedding for the next five minutes.

Finally, I cut across their excited voices as we reach the driveway of the new home.

“Amma, I’m so very happy for Payal. I’ve just reached home, I’ll inform Arnav about this and then call you back soon.”

I place the phone in my bag, then quickly close my eyes against the sudden rush of tears.

I should be happy for my sister, and I am.

I should be glad that my plan has worked…that I could make her dreams come true…

But this joy is tempered by one tiny little fact that pushes it’s way to the forefront of my mind.

I try to ignore it, but it isn’t easy.

Why have they fixed the wedding date without even bothering to ask if I could come down to India at that time?

 

Is it just something that they have overlooked in the excitement of the moment?

Or is that…they have actually forgotten to ask my opinion about any of this?

Am I really this unimportant, or am I reading too much into this?

As Lavanya opens the door and steps aside, I stumble out the door, my heart heavy and exultant all at once.

I walk through the door in a trance, but a raised voice makes me pause.

Arnav is striding across the living-room , running his good hand through his hair as frustration rolls off him in waves.

“Di, for the last time, I’ll send NK when he has the time! Sheetal isn’t exactly my priority at the moment!”

He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against the glass before continuing.

“No, my hand is okay now. The pain isn’t nearly as bad as yesterday. Don’t worry, Di. As for Sheetal, you can deal with her when you get back in a couple of days.”

He stills, then looks up suddenly as he notices my presence.

“I have to go now, Di. Take care.”

He tosses his phone onto a nearby table, then starts walking towards me with a smile.

But when he gets close, the smile is wiped off his face and a frown takes it place.

“Khushi? What’s wrong?”

For a moment, astonishment holds me immobile. I have just spoken to my mother, but even she was unable to figure out that I was disturbed about something.

And yet, this man whom I have known for mere weeks is able to guess that something is off, after just one glance.

In that moment, I realize that he is the only person I can confide in about this. I need to talk about this with someone, but my own family is too busy with their celebrations at the moment.

And I am dealing with my own guilt too. I should be ecstatic for my sister…and yet, I cannot bring myself to wholeheartedly celebrate.

Does that make me a bad person? I don’t really know.

I look into the concerned gaze of the man standing in front of me, and at that moment, something snaps within me.

I find myself telling him all about what happened with Aman at the office, and his outraged expression acts a balm to my nerves.

“What kind of moron would fire you for something you had no control over? This is unacceptable, Khushi. You should sue him for wrongful dismissal. I can ask NK to call my attorneys and we’ll…”

“No. I want to end this, right here. I don’t know what made Aman react the way he did, but I don’t want to take things further by dragging him to court. “

I take a deep breath as I turn to the window.

“In the end, I’m finally free to pursue my studies, just as I wanted. I just wish that it didn’t have to happen this way…”

“I’m just glad that you aren’t going to be working for an ass like Mathur. You deserve better, Khushi.”

Something in his voice makes me pause, and I look up at him warily as suspicion takes root. One of my earlier doubts comes back to haunt me as I wonder just how BioSys obtained the information that I was working only for one more month.

Was it possible that…did he have anything to do with all this?

Before I can stop myself, the question slips past my lips.

“Did you do this?”

“Me? Do what, exactly?”

I look down at the ground, trying to gather my courage before continuing.

“BioSys found out that I was leaving , just one day after my arrival. You have contacts in the industry, and you weren’t exactly happy that I was going to work instead of pursuing my PhD…”

“And that made you automatically assume that this is all my doing?”

He laughs, and I feel a surge of heat across my cheeks.

“I wish that I had thought of this, but I didn’t, Khushi. You lost your job because your boss is insane, that’s all.”

His eyes are clear of deceit , and I believe him.

“I just want to forget about all this. It’s done, there’s no going back now. I’ll get in touch with the admissions advisor at Stanford tomorrow.”

I start walking towards the door, but he stops me with his left hand on my wrist.

“Khushi, you have told me before that you don’t want me to interfere in your professional life, and I gave you my word. I haven’t forgotten that.”

I look up at him, then nod.

“I’m sorry, I just…”

“Is that all you’ve been worried about?”

I close my eyes, then steel myself to tell him about Payal. I know that he’s going to find out eventually, and I might as well get it over with.

When I have finished telling him, a cynical smile takes over his face.

“Well, that was fast. I did tell you it was going to happen, though.”

I sigh before turning away once again.

“I just hope that Payal has made the right decision.”

“If she hasn’t, it’s not your fault.”

I shake my head wearily.

“I don’t really know what is or isn’t my fault anymore.”

Without waiting for his reply, I quickly walk out the door and head towards the stairs. Moments later, I am lying across my bed with my arm over my eyes, trying to come to terms with all that has occurred today.

Lately it feels as if I am on roller-coaster that shows no sign of stopping, and I am lost in a whirlwind of thought and emotion and guilt.

I don’t know how much time passes before I hear a knock on my door, and I automatically head to the main one before realizing that the sound has come from the connecting door.

I open it to see that Arnav is standing there with a black jacket in one hand, and an innocent expression on his face that I don’t believe for a moment.

“If you have the time, could you help me with this?”

I look down at the heavy jacket.

“Are you going out now?”

“Just for a walk. Do you want to come along and make sure that I don’t injure myself again?”

Despite everything, I can’t help the small smile that threatens to break across my lips.

“Just give me the jacket.”

I help him with it, and try my best to ignore the feel of the corded muscles under my fingertips as I smooth the material over his arms.

When I done, I am slightly breathless.

“So…are you coming with me on my walk?”

I don’t really want to, but I don’t want to stay here alone with my thoughts either.

And so I find myself walking by his side as we make our way across the lawns, and stop by at the stables.

When we go in for lunch, he surprises me by asking me for help. I cut his parathas into smaller pieces for him, and find that Manorama’s gaze turns approving as she observes this.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening, he asks me for my help with various tasks. NK isn’t around much, since he is organizing the moving of some paintings from the apartment that Arnav has entrusted him with.

As I help Arnav, my suspicion solidifies into certainty.

 It become apparent that he doesn’t really need my help. 

I give it some thought, and finally his words and actions alert me to a startling truth.

He’s doing this for me.

 

 

He has kept me busy through the day, giving me no time to think about all that has been bothering me today.

And when I finally understand this, I feel a wave of joy that has nothing to do with the beautiful flowers that I am looking at while we wait for dinner to be served. I smile to myself as I realize that someone has been considerate of my feelings today…has even placed me first on their list.

And the unlikely fact that this is my husband makes me shake my head in disbelief.

I look up as he enters the room, and smile again at how perfect he looks in these surroundings. The warm earth tones on the walls echo the molten brown color of his eyes, and as I allow my gaze to wander around the room, I realize that the house has played it’s part in calming me today as well.

We share a quiet meal, and I continue to help him as I have been doing all day.

But even as I am eating, one question looms large in my mind.

Is he going to ask me to help him undress today as well?

 

 

_______

 

 

 

I am still thinking about this as I change into my pink kurta before brushing out my hair in front of the large vanity.

My body heats up at the memory, and I drag my thoughts away in an attempt to drown out my own desires.

Unfortunately, the rest of my thoughts aren’t any better at restoring my equilibrium.

I think about Aman, and how unfair it felt to be accused of something that I had no hand in.

I think about my sister, and how she has apparently forgotten her older sister now that her marriage has been arranged. I did call her again, but she was on the phone to Akash , Amma told me so.

And she never called back.

I sit down with a sigh, realizing that I have done so much for so many…and yet, no one has really given me the time of day.

For once, I want to be someone’s top priority. 

I want to be the center of someone’s thoughts…

I remember my plan to be more selfish for a change, and I realize that I haven’t really done anything that could be classified as that yet.

I haven’t even listened to my own body as it clamors for attention.

I look down at it, now encased in pale pink cotton.

And just like that, the memories come flooding back.

I remember the heat that flooded through me…and the warmth that spread though my veins when I had returned to my room last  night.

I want to know where those sensations lead.

I want to do something for myself, for once.

I want to know where this craving ends, and satisfaction begins.

Without giving myself any time to think or reconsider, I walk over to the connecting door and knock on it.

It opens a moment later, and I am surprised to see that Arnav has managed to get rid of his shirt and belt this time. His trousers are still fastened, and for the first time I wonder just how he managed to dress himself this morning.

“Khushi?”

I look up at him, my breathing unsteady.

And I know that I have to do this now, before I lose my nerve.

I take a deep breath.

“I have a request.”

He stares at me with curiosity evident in his eyes.

“Tell me. Do you need anything?”

Another deep breath.

“Yes.”

I take one step towards him, and tentatively place one hand over his chest before looking up at him again.

His eyes have widened with surprise, and I feel his heart race under my fingertips.

“Khushi?”

“I want a kiss. Just one.”

“You…do?”

I look down at my hand, afraid that I will run out of courage before I can explain myself.

“Yes. I wanted it last night, too. I want to know where this…leads. I need to know.”

“And yet, you want to stop at one kiss?”

I nod my head jerkily, aware that this sounds crazy.

“I…just want to know what it feels like.”

“Go ahead.”

It is my turn to be surprised.

“What?”

Even in the moonlight, I see the amused glint in his eyes.

“You wanted a kiss…so take one, Khushi.”

I had anticipated many outcomes of this scenario, but not this one.

And yet, I find myself unable to resist a challenge, as always.

I shore up my courage and lift my hand to his hair, holding his head steady as I raise myself on my toes.

I close my eyes at the last moment, and finally, allow my lips to touch his.

They are warm…and soft, and nothing like I had ever imagined.

The warmth inside me sparks into a full-blown blaze, and I am astonished that this is happening after only an innocent graze of my lips against his.

He does nothing to return my kiss, and allows me free reign for a moment.

But soon, I know that this isn’t enough.

There has to be more…and I know that he can give it to me.

I open my eyes, and step away, just a little.

“I need you to…”

“…need me to…what, exactly?”

“…to…to kiss me back.”

As I wait for his reply, I realize for the first time that he isn’t entirely unaffected.

His breathing is more rapid now, and I cannot help but drop my gaze to his zipper.

And yes, it is straining against it’s confines already.

I know that I am blushing, and his next words increase my embarrassment.

“I thought you just wanted one kiss. One kiss, that led nowhere.”

“I…I did. But I…don’t really know how…”

“It will be my pleasure to show you how, Khushi.”

And with those words he finally takes control, just like I wanted him to.

His left hand wraps around my waist, bringing me flush against his body. My breasts are flattened against his chest, and they tighten against the hard wall of muscle.

A deep throbbing starts up inside, and I writhe against him restlessly even as he draws me closer.

“Kissing isn’t just about the lips, Khushi. You need to involve your entire body…and all your senses.”

He leans forward until his warm breath teases my lips.

“It’s also about tongue and teeth and breath…you’ll see what I mean in just a moment.”

His voice is raspy now, and I can feel my heart thundering behind my chest as he finally places his lips on mine.

The blaze inside is a conflagration now, and I feel dizzy with the new sensations that flood through me.

His kiss isn’t gentle.

He repeatedly takes my lips with his, biting and sucking and nipping until I open my mouth with a gasp. And then he conquers the inside of my mouth with his tongue, and I am lost.

I give myself up to the heady sensation of being thoroughly kissed by this incredibly sexy man, and for a few blissful moments, I forget everything but us…and this incredible kiss.

His tongue strokes across mine and I clench my hands in his hair, desperate for more.

And it is as if I have said the words out loud, because he moves his free hand from my back to my breast, cupping it’s weight in his hand before caressing the taut peak with his skilled fingers.

And then, it’s all over.

He steps back abruptly, then holds my arm as I try to stand on my own two feet.

My world has just tilted off it’s axis, and I try to still my racing breath and pounding heart as I stare at his chest, rising and falling with his own excitement.

Finally, I look up into his darkened eyes.

We stare at each other for a long moment, and then he gestures towards the door.

“If you still want to stick to your one-kiss rule, I’d suggest you leave now, Khushi.”

Still reeling with all that I have experienced, I can barely move. I take one step towards the door, then look back at him when I suddenly remember something.

“Do you…need help with…”

I gesture towards his pant, and he looks down at his arousal with a rueful expression.

“I do need help there. But I don’t think that you’re quite ready for that yet.”

Blushing madly, I race from his room, and slam the door behind me as I gasp for breath.

I did get what I wanted tonight, but I did not expect that it would leave me craving for more.

 

And more would be dangerous, I know that well.

But my body seems to disregard that, and I spend yet another restless night.

And all my dreams are of kisses in the moonlight, with a man who desires me as I have wanted to be desired all my life.